Clean Slate | Special Song Included

Clean Slate | by Bethany Sousa

-Scroll to her bio for the video link to her song

When I think of spring, I think of renewal. I think of getting a second change. I think of cleansing and vulnerability with myself emotionally and spiritually. Seasons of transition and change in life cause a lot of clutter and damage to ourselves. I for one believe that Spring is the greatest time to purge those cluttered parts of our hearts, minds, and emotions. It’s quite incredible how much clutter we can each accumulate through life. Each and every single one of us carry a unique and individual suitcase, filled with specific life choices we either did or didn’t intentionally make. Yet, no matter what path our choices lead us through, we are always able to seek grace and freedom through Christ. He will always be near ready to take our hand and walk with us through the struggle of surrendering that bulky suitcase filled with so much clutter such as: shame, regret, self esteem, lack of courage, fear, anger, confusion, etc. Now, my story is specific to me and how I heard God through my own clutter, but I believe it will be encouraging to someone searching for similar freedom.

​It’s 2016 and my emotions are falling apart. Everything I held dear in my world was fading away. Nothing seemed to be moving forward – only standing still. I took a huge leap of faith and followed a tug on my heart to move to Nashville. I had NO idea what was going to be here waiting for me, all I knew was that God had already gone before me. At least that’s what I felt Him continually whisper in my heart. And boy was He serious. I arrived and immediately life came alive in me! My first day in town I met up with a friend and I got a connection of a lifetime with a producer, started getting work, the creative juices were flowing! Life was really moving for me in ways I never imagined. I thought Nashville was going to be a place of rest, a place of transition before a city like New York or London. I had no intention on staying here longer than 3-6 months. But little did I know God had something else in mind. I found an incredible church, moved into a townhouse with a friend, started making friends, got a decent job… Yes life was looking pretty good for me. Until I prayed a very unique prayer.

images ​It’s the new year and I always write a small list of things I desire to accomplish for the year. This one was particularly different because I threw in a few fun goals as well as a few challenging ones. My prayer consisted of asking God to clean house in my heart emotionally and financially. To heal and to restore broken parts of my heart. Without getting into too many details, my life slowly began to crumble. Leaving my job due to some unfortunate situations. Going under financial wreckage. Having nothing familiar close by that I was used to running away to. Life was in emotional chaos for me. My reality was quickly shattering the fantasy of my life I thought I was working so hard to build. Again, without getting into too many details, I was at a bare boned empty. In debt larger than I could understand. Yet, still, I could hear that faint – “I have gone before you” still whispering in my heart.

​I realize not everyone reading this has gone through a complete overhaul of their life, but there’s something powerful about asking God to take a closer look and actually letting Him. In these past couple of years His hand has guided, protected, and provided in ways I couldn’t even imagine. There were days when I had 7$ to my name and I didn’t get paid for 10 days and some how I was able to pay for gas, or food. I made a conscious decision to not let the clutter of my emotional life continue to get in the way of how I was called to fulfill and live out my calling. I didn’t do it alone, but I did have to make the decisions and work it out on my own. I decided I wanted to be debt free by the time I was 30, and that meant I needed to hustle. Lesson one – financial freedom – and to trust that God has my everything, including my finances.

​Then there was lesson 2, relationships. This was a deep and challenging lesson to work through. For my own sanity, I believe God knew I needed space to deal and heal from my life in a space where time was slowed down and people were loving and trusting. Transitioning into a southern pace of life has actually healed my hurts and pains that I either put there myself, or others had. Really taking the time to get a deep look, and actually really forgive, not just myself but family and friends too, I had to trust God with my heart. Trust Him, and no other man. He is the ultimate protector and lover, if I can’t trust Him, then how else would I love another? There is no perfect family, and no perfect person in this world, and my attempt to hide behind all my disappointments in others was no longer a cop-out I was allowed to hide behind.

​I really had to learn a valuable lesson in vulnerability with the Holy Spirit. If I stay humble and grateful, even in the midst of pain, I will get to witness His grace. His beautiful and redeeming grace. I can’t count all the occasions I was lost in the wreckage so much that I count look up to see He was protecting me. However I have been able to reflect back and look at all He has done to redeem and restore me. I haven’t lived enough to have all the answers, but I have made enough mistakes to witness mercy and grace.

Click on this link for her blog video:

Bethany’s Song


BETHANY is a singer/songwriter currently living in Nashville, TN. Her dream and desire is to partner with other artists collaboratively to help bring awareness to the audience an awakening of purpose. In today’s western culture, we have focused too music on selfish ego and not enough on the bigger picture–we’re all here for a purpose, and we all play an important role in achieving that goal in each other  Art is such an intense expression and tool to use to help awaken peoples minds and souls of their own existence. Music heals us mentally and spiritually, and one of her main goals is to help bring that healing, one song at a time.


March Madness

March Madness | by Bethany Luchetta

Do you ever feel like you’re trapped? Or like the fire-in-your-heart went out? Maybe because you didn’t get married at the ‘right’ age. You never had kids. Had kids. Got divorced. Never finished college. Work too much. Don’t have enough money. Aren’t as smart as the next person. Are too tired.  Have physical or mental limitations that prevent you from moving towards your dreams. Or maybe you just feel like you don’t own an original thought/emotion/creative bone/spiritual idea that is worthwhile. I am here to inform you, you are not alone. And IN your story, there is greatness.

I had been percolating on this March Madness blog for some time and nothing was coming to me. I wanted to assimilate it with the Daughters Event on March 17 – ‘Miracles in the Mess’. I even contemplated changing the blog title to March Messness. I thought about outlining people who failed and got-back-up-again to find success. I wanted to tell you about women in history who were faced with adversity, yet still accomplished greatness. Then, I switched to “you’re never too old”; she did something noteworthy after mid-life. Maybe write about ladies who, even in their storm, were able to pursue their heart-call. But after spending way too much time reading about people and things, I decided that I wanted you to be the story.

I am in the middle of a life transition, or several. I am starting to think we are always in one, or coming out of one, or about to go into one. The more stories I hear from other ladies, the more human I feel. We all have ‘stuff’ – none of us get out of childhood unscathed. Once adults, we seem to have seasons of feeling great, and others ‘not so great’. Is there anything we can do to limit the mess and madness?


HOMEWORK: Ask yourself the ‘why’ question.

Why am I overwhelmed right now?

Why am I filled with anxiety right now?

Why am I sad right now?

Why am I frustrated right now?

Do tell! What does this have to do with March Madness-Messness? You may find that as you ask yourself the outlined following questions, you begin getting in touch with deeper feelings (which may or may not cause some messiness). The deeper feelings almost always dwindle down to shame. Shame has a way of robbing us of our potential. The real answers, and the real healing within them, are where the ‘Miracles in the Mess’ happen.

I made this chart from the things I have learned in my readings and courses on this process. This is a very basic chart, yet I have found it helpful (there are several other steps, if you have interest, reach out).



I will use a personal example to show you how to work these steps:

The Feeling: A sales lady at Home Depot ‘sells’ me with some lies and deception when purchasing shutters. I get frustrated. Like, lose-my-emotions-all-the-way-home frustrated. Like, can’t play with Livvy or talk to Vince frustrated. Like, I feel like crying or posting a horrid one-star review on yelp frustrated. Like, I am looking super cool, calm and collected, yet stuffing all my feelings, but wanting to scream out loud frustrated. Outlandish emotions sound familiar?

The ‘Why’: I can go about my day and try not to be frustrated, go for run, have some wine, call a friend to vent, or try to pray it away. #2 Or I can ask myself ‘WHY’ am I feel so out-out-whack frustrated with this lady.

Deeper Feelings: So, then I analyze how I felt when this happened. I felt: abuse, used, coerced, domineered, played, bad, unworthy and unimportant. You may think that these are some pretty intense feelings for being lied to by a sales person at Home Deport. Some people may have just brushed-it-off, taken business elsewhere, or told the person how they felt. But I was not in my adult mind, so that’s not what happen.

Associated Situation: When I say this, it is very specific to the reduction of the situation. Dr. John Bradshaw (theologian, psychologist, philosopher) explains that our foundation is set before the chemicals change in our body (before puberty). In circumstances where your emotions outweigh the reality of the situation, it is an indicator to look back on your childhood and identify what part of you was stuck in your current interaction (lady at Home Depot). The easiest way to do this is to look back on the deeper feelings you identified and ask yourself, ‘when I was young, in what situation did I feel like this?’. Bradshaw says in asking this, you will find the part of you that is wounded/stuck. My deeper feelings immediately echoed when I was abused at age 4. As soon as I reduced my current feeling to an unhealed wound, I began crying. Until I heal this shameful wound, I will repeat these frustrating situations in my adult life that rob me of potential to ‘Grow up in Christ’.


Forgiveness: The last part isn’t always easy or popular. I am not talking about forgiving the sales lady. I am talking about cutting myself loose from my perpetrator. There are tons of resources out there on processing forgiveness. I am defining forgiveness as cutting yourself loose from strings keeping you tied to the thing or person. Sometimes forgiveness requires forgiveness of self, and in this case, you may need someone else to help guide you through that process.

These discoveries may be messy, painful, and sometimes, unbearable. If you get stuck, come back to them later. But, commit to your whole healing. Once you are able to heal through the wounds you identify, then you will be more capable of dealing with the reality of your adult life in situations. I was able to go back and confront the sales lady in a calm manner. I didn’t have to stuff my emotions inside, allowing them to eat-away-at-me. I used the truth to encourage myself; I am an adult, I am not a child, I have choices, I am capable, I am not stuck and I won’t be used. This indeed is God’s miracle working power in our lives, in the mess.


Bethany Luchetta is a writer of life and reality. In hopes to connect with the humanity around her, she writes from her heart. Bethany just celebrated 7 years of marriage with her love, Vince Luchetta. They are both on their second marriage. Life has not been without challenge in their personal lives and career lives, yet they strive for growth in love and tragedy. They share three beautiful daughters, Makayla (17), Paige (14), and Livvy Lou (3). If you see them, reach out and say hi!


In Celebration Black History Month

In Celebration Of

February is considered the month of love. In fact, our blogs for this month were dedicated to different concepts of relationships. However, February has also been designated at Black History Month. In honor of that, The Daughter’s Blog writers have chosen to write and highlight African American women that influenced or inspired them the most.

Maya Angelou:  April 4, 1928 – May 28, 2014
Beth Sousa

Black history month was one of my favorite times of the school year as a kid because I was taught about people who spoke out in courage and bravery against inhumane treatment of people and exposing the inequality of man. I loved that as I got older, the lessons and depictions of these people got more exposed to me and I was able to grasp the intensity of their actions as I matured. One of those incredible people that always stuck with me was Maya Angelou.

Maya-Angelou-quotes-AmazingNow, I could take up all my allotted words to just quote her and I think you would agree – that’s powerful enough. However I think there’s something to be said about such an incredible woman in the creative arts. Being a creative myself, I loved seeing/learning about a woman who has played such a powerful role in society not only with text, but in leadership, community outreach, and song. I look at this woman and think to myself, how do I follow in those footsteps of courage to say, create, sing, write, and DO what I believe the Lord is enticing me to do?

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

This quote is one of my ABSOLUTE favorites, because it’s so very provoking. It makes me die to myself and dare to share in whatever capacity I can. Maya was a woman of grace, but also a woman of power. She, to me, is such a great depiction of a real feminist – a woman who holds herself accountable to her morals, values, core beliefs, and sense of equality. She taught me that I cannot expect to change the world, but to expect that God can use me to move the world.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou

Anita Baker:  January 26, 1958 –
Bethany Luchetta

I admire Anita Baker for her strength and determination to push through all her early childhood adversities and become an amazing singer, songwriter, social icon, and mother.


A “few” things I love about her:

  1. 1.She overcame the challenges of being abandoned at an early age, then losing her foster parents at the age of 12.
  2. She began her music career at the age of 16 and then took time off from an extremely successful music career to raise her children while they were young,
  3. Her rocking music! Music which has won her 8 Grammys, a platinum and gold album.
  4. Her decision to retire last year at the young age of 60 because she did not want to work herself into the grave.

“Anita Baker: Her unique, towering voice has remained an influence in contemporary soul music, mixing jazz traditions and picking up several Grammy Awards throughout her career. The legendary singer has four No. 1 Top R&B/Hip Hop Albums, including Rhythm of Love, Giving You the Best That I Got, My Everything and the platinum-selling Rapture.” ~Billboard Magazine.

Queen Latifah (AKA Dana Owens): March 18, 1970 –
Sonya Finley

There are many strong, powerful, insightful, inspirational African American women in history. Some are well known, such as Harriet Tubman, who, after finding her own freedom from slavery, risked her life helping others find theirs. There is Josephine Baker who had to leave the US to become an icon of the Jazz Age.  There is Rosa Parks best-

known for her role in the Montgomery bus boycott of 1955-56. And of course, Michelle Obama, America’s first African American First Lady who, while, standing by her man, was able to create her own identity as an advocate for education and healthy living. There are also others who are a bit lesser known, but equally important. There are women such as Phillis Wheatley, an educated slave who found fame in 1773 by publishing a book of poems–a book that included a preface by 17 men to provide proof that she actually wrote it. There is also A’Lelia Walker, daughter of the famous Madame CJ Walker, who was a great business executive and patron of the arts. She became known as the Joy Goddess of the Harlem Renaissance for her role in bringing together artists, writers and intellectuals.

I have always been a fan of Queen Latifah’s story. It is ground breaking in its own right. She started at one point then proceeded to another, defining and redefining who she was and what she was capable of. Never allowing society to tell her what she could or could not be.


Latifah began her career as a rapper and won a Grammy for her single U.N.I.T.Y.  In the 90’s she branched out into acting, first in films such as Jungle Fever and Juice. She later went on to star in the sitcom Living Single (one of my favs!). It remains one of the few sitcoms to feature and focus on a group of African American women. Queen Latifah pursued this side of her creativity with gusto with performances in a list of movies far too long to write here. Her most acclaimed role may have been in the hit musical Chicago. But I liked her performance in a recent version of the musical Hairspray.  These musical debuts bring me to the next great thing in her story—her awesome singing voice, which can be experienced on several albums produced under the name Dana Owens.


Latifah’s accomplishments include, but certainly are not limited to: rapper, record producer, actress, CoverGirl Spokesperson, talk show host, and singer. Such an inspiration, I cannot wait to see what she does next!


Why Not?!

Why Not | By Bethany Sousa

When you are single, ‘relationship’ can be such an ugly word. The kind of word that makes you feel gross inside. Like you ate too many nachos or something. Okay, maybe that’s too dramatic, but I’m sure you can relate. I’ve been single most of my life, and to be honest it’s been an emotionally challenging concept for me to understand. There’s nothing more annoying than meeting someone for the first time and them asking, “So, are you dating anyone?” my response of “nope” is always followed by the dreaded, “Why not?”. Sometimes I want to respond with something rude like “Gee-I don’t know. Why don’t you go figure it out for me ‘cause obviously I don’t know what I’m doing”. Sometimes I want to be bluntly honest and respond with “It’s because I have standards and apparently I can’t seem to find a man out there who’s not too lazy or self-centered to respect them”. Then there’s those times where I don’t even want to answer and would rather walk away. Most of the time I just respond with “I don’t know”, because I really don’t know. Because let’s face it, if I really knew, I’d probably fix it. It was uncomfortable having this question asked every time I met someone new, so I decided to face my frustration and dissect my discomfort and have an honest conversation with God about this why not question looming over me. 

I’m a single woman, who hasn’t been on a date in over two years. Still holding the “V card”, and fearful of getting married late, or worse never! I’m not even a deep fan of online dating/apps because I still believe in the whole love at first sight gushy stuff. Now that I’m inching toward my 30th birthday, I’ve been reflecting on this “deal” I made with God about five years ago. I had just turned 25 and I was mourning over this lost identity that I had created for myself. It was this image (or to put it plainly, an expectation) of being married in my early 20’s, having a house, having kids, of being this ideal woman that I saw so many other ladies around me fulfilling with such poise. But on my 25th birthday, I realized God had something else in mind, and my “idea” wasn’t really meant for me. This didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt when none of these things happened, but I realized a valuable mistake had been made on my part. I had planned out my life according to what I thought was supposed to happen. Because of my social upbringing, I had planted that sucker deep into my souls’ identity. This really messed with my personal view on who I was as a woman both in life and in the Kingdom. While I watched so many of my friends get married and have kids while slowly drifting away from me and into their magical world of marriage, I couldn’t help but continue to hear this “why not” question on repeat. So I dug deeper with God. Spending a lot of time trying to understand what relationships are and what healthy expectations even look like. Through the last five years, I have gone through different seasons of mourning as well as expectations that were tried and tested. My theology was tested. My morals and values were tested. Even my character was tested, and I still came out asking “why not”. 

IMG_3202My expectations became a vice instead of guidelines. I used to think boys didn’t ask me out because I wasn’t pretty enough, but I realized I probably didn’t notice when a guy was interested because I was so locked onto this idea of a man. Blind sided by myself – that let’s face it, wasn’t even real! It was a fantasy made up to keep me hopeful. I was taught by church to have this list of qualities I wanted in a man and that God would fulfill them. You can imagine how eager I was looking around, waiting patiently, anxiously tuning in to hear God say, “And now Bethany, here is your man!”. And then imagine the disappointment in my heart as I lived the following years trying to find him on my own – because apparently God was making me hunt him down. Yeeeaaahhh…that also didn’t go so well. 

So, here I am today, and that question remains the same. However, I find myself responding differently now. You see, I realized my hearts mistake in trying to tell God what I was going to do with my life, while thinking I could also follow Him as a disciple. I recognized my disobedience, was willing to put in the time, effort, and willing to feel deep pains of correction that would realigned my heart with His to receive freedom. “Why not?” Well, maybe it’s because my story is different than my friends, my moms, even my siblings. Maybe it’s because my personal journey is going to speak to a specific person. Whatever the reason, I’ve learned to not let it loom over me like a cloud of fear and worry. But instead, I’ve learned to let it be a gift that gives me freedom and tenacity. I don’t know if I ever will get married, have the house, the kids, etc. But I do know that that isn’t my current reality. It is a dream that I pray becomes reality one day. I can hope and have faith for, but it is not my identity. 

IMG_3220Time and time again I see such incredible women get stuck in life because of these expectations. I get it, we were made for and desire intimacy and companionship. As I began searching deeper in my heart, and asking the Holy Spirit to reveal to me how I must move in a direction of fulfillment, it came down to some important personal perspectives that I, and I alone, had to change. One day at a time. 

IMG_3304BETHANY is a singer/songwriter currently living in Nashville, TN. Her dream and desire is to partner with other artists collaboratively to help bring awareness to the audience an awakening of purpose. In today’s western culture, we have focused too music on selfish ego and not enough on the bigger picture–we’re all here for a purpose, and we all play an important role in achieving that goal in each other  Art is such an intense expression and tool to use to help awaken peoples minds and souls of their own existence. Music heals us mentally and spiritually, and one of her main goals is to help bring that healing, one song at a time.

Don’t Slap the Princess

How many of us know that we can do something with healthy motivation, and do the same exact thing, with unhealthy motivation!? Being clean or tidy, for example. It can be our natural bend, gift mix or personality – birthed from a healthy desire for our life. Or we can be motivated to clean from our deficiency, fear, or control. One motive gives life, the other takes life. One may manifest from love, the other striving for love.

images-2When we think of today, we may think of hearts, candy, love, flowers, etc. Do you ever associate Valentine’s Day with love for yourself? Daughters young and old, from every culture and religion, learn from others how to love themselves – or hate themselves from a young age. Most of how we understand love comes from the caregiver(s) we had growing up. In turn, most of us project our understanding of love learned from caregiver(s) onto God. We ‘learn‘ about our need for love; acceptance and validation (or our fear of rejection and fear of exposure) early in life. But, our projection on God from what we’ve experienced on earth is typically lightyears apart from His true expression of love for us.

DoingVsBeingGods loves doesn’t change. But we do… we are human after all. What happens when a child does something they aren’t proud of? My daughter will hide behind my leg or tuck her head into my shoulder in anticipation of having to apologize for something she isn’t proud of. Sounds like Adam & Eve. Shame causes us to react. Some shame is there to keep us in the boundaries of healthy living. John Bradshaw would say, “Healthy shame says I did something bad. Unhealthy shame says I am bad.” Wait, some shame is bad? If we didn’t have the feeling of right vs wrong (shame), what would limit us from bad behavior? There are some times we do need to be repentant of bad/shameful behavior. Set that aside, I’m talking about the unhealthy shame motivation. So many of were raised with a gaping hole from the love we needed verses love received. We simply walk around with shame reactions all the time – we think we are bad.

How many times have we felt, or said, if they knew XYZ about me, they would not accept me, or even reject me. How can we be fully loved if we aren’t fully known? If we are the sum of all our parts, which make us a whole person, we can’t be truly loved if we aren’t truly known. Sounds like a recipe for a lifetime of emptiness. But Gods Love is so powerful; He fully knows us, still sent His Son to die for us (while we were sinners), and Loves us without condition.

140216-2What if we could change how we thought about shame, love and acceptance? Maybe we struggle to love ourselves? Struggle to be fully known, so we hide; tuck and run. Do you ever notice yourself trying to explain, justify, clarify, or rationalize your behavior? This is rooted from a unhealthy toxic learned shame (noted from: LifeSkills International). We do this to try to legitimize our need for acceptance and love. So ‘what if’ when the desire to vindicate yourself pops up, instead you stop and say, “I am okay with me! God is okay with me!” What if we took a conscious effort to love our SELF. I’m not talking about being selfish, or even the narcissistic approach that the world has adopted on the topic of self. I’m talking about actually looking at yourself like a small child – lovable and squeezable and innocent – because you are!

Imagine that you are truly the Daughter of the King and KNOWING that He doesn’t condemn or shame you. He openly embraces all your parts, and you can too!


38C4C6F500000578-3807402-image-m-2_1474879237125I’ll admit I have a dire desire not to be misunderstood. Its roots look like shame: they say I’m not good enough for me, so I must rationalize, explain, justify, and clarify myself to you (even if /when you haven’t even asked for my epilogue). Have you ever been ashamed of your shame!? I have. It isn’t pretty. I waste so much time and energy grasping for the love and acceptance of others, when I could stop and accept the Love of Christ, and the love for His Daughter (myself!). Ha! I got a picture of me walking up to Princess Kate and slapping her in the face. Holy Cow. How disrespectful! Jesus reminds me, you do this every time you beat yourself up for not being good enough. You are a Daughter of the King. A treasure. R.E.S.P.E.C.T

If we really had bad behavior, we can own it. We can expose ourselves ASAP. And then, instead of going to negative self-talk, “I’m stupid”, “I always do that”, or “I’ll never get it right”, we can change our ways, and agree truth – “I did bad, but I can change my behavior and make this right”, “I am okay with myself because Gods way works for me”, and, “God alone is my vindicator, and He loves me!”.


IMG_2727Bethany Luchetta is a writer of life and reality. In hopes to connect with the humanity around her, she writes from her heart. Bethany just celebrated 7 years of marriage with her love, Vince Luchetta. They are both on their second marriage. Life has not been without challenge in their personal lives and career lives, yet they strive for growth in love and tragedy. They share three beautiful daughters, Makayla (17), Paige (14), and Livvy Lou (3). If you see them, reach out and say hi!