I can give you all of the fluffy ways to spice up your love life, however, I want those of you who are reading this to hear truth. | By Kim Henson
When I was asked to write a blog about how to spice-up your love life, I thought, “This will be such an easy topic to write about because I think Kirk and I have enough spice to flavor the world.” But as I prayed and thought about the topic, it occurred to me that I needed to truly examine my marriage and bring Kirk into this too. Before I let you know what works for us, I want to tell you a little about our story.
I met Kirk 23 years ago. I knew immediately that he was the one for me, but little did I know what God was going to do in our lives to restore what had been broken in our past. We were both going through horrible divorces at the time, and I had two children that needed a good male role model. When I look back, I realize that God had an amazing plan, but I decided to help Him a bit. When I intervened, there ended up being a lot of bumps along the way, as you can imagine. But God restored us and answered my prayers the day we said “Yes” to each other. We will celebrate 20 years this October! We have never looked back … well, most of the time.
I can give you all of the fluffy ways to spice up your love life, however, I want those of you who are reading this to hear truth. What works for Kirk and I, and always has worked, is communication–physically and emotionally. As wives, we must learn what are husbands are all about: what they like, don’t like and everything in between. I’m not just talking about the bedroom … I’ll get to that. We need to know the core of what makes our husbands who they are. Here are some practical ways that have worked for us.
- Pray for your husband always. You may be saying, “I know that.” But are you really doing it? There are great books out there that have specific prayers that you can read every day for your husband. It is one of the most powerful tools you will ever have. I suggest Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Martian and A Wife’s Prayer: Seeking God’s Best for your Husband by Pamela Hines.
- Plan weekly dates with your hubby that are fun. Take time to experience some things that he likes to do. This will go far, I promise. Talk about a budget for this. The dates don’t have to be expensive. It’s so important, especially if you have kids.
- Be confident in yourself! No matter what we look like (after four kids), your hubby truly wants to know if they are pleasing us. It may seem like they only want one thing, but I can assure you, if he thinks he’s a king in the bedroom, he will respond to you differently. Ladies, get naked! Let him see you. I know it’s difficult when we see all of the flaws, but I promise he will only see the beautiful, confident woman he married so long ago.
- Wear cute pajamas to bed. You don’t need to wear that uncomfortable stuff from Victoria’s Secret (unless you love it). But no more t-shirts or those flannel night gowns. In fact, get rid of them even as you are reading this.
- Think about him before he gets home from work. Look up from your crazy day and make eye contact with him so he knows you are happy to see him. Text him during the day and tell him something ‘naughty’ (whatever you feel comfortable with). I’ll be honest, I’ve sent him text pictures and then I pray my kids don’t go through his phone.
- Most important–talk, talk, talk. Be interested in the things that interest him. Tell him your dreams, desires, everything. Be engaged.
- Have sex! Don’t set your expectations too high, just get together physically. I know how tired we can get raising kids, going through menopause and dealing with body issues. But try to push through and enjoy your hubby. What will it hurt? You may really enjoy it. Try new things as long as you feel safe together. It’s ok because God created sex to be the most enjoyable gift He gave to marriage.
- Talk to someone you trust who has been where you are. Don’t talk badly about your husband, and never listen to someone that doesn’t have both of your best interests at heart.
If you are in a place where you don’t know where to turn because you feel unheard, unappreciated, or worse, thinking that life without him would be better, please talk to someone. Don’t give up. It can be great again. This is the man that you said “yes” to so many years ago–that feeling doesn’t just go away. We might put that feeling on a shelf sometimes. Take it down, dust it off and start enjoying one another. It can only get better. When people ask Kirk, “How do you keep your marriage going?” He says simply, “I show up every day.”
Kim Henson have been doing this incredible journey of marriage with her best friend, Kirk, for 20 years this October. The joy of their lives is their family. They have four amazing kids: Jon (32), Tyler (29), Camille (17), and Connor (15). Tyler and their daughter-in-law, Nellie, have their two beautiful grandbabies, Ava (5) and Eli (19 months). Kim loves to spend time with Kirk, her favorite person on this planet. In this season of life, she helps Kirk with the family business and volunteers at her kids’ school. She and Kirk also serve in their church as elders, and they host a marriage life group. She loves spending time with friends and family, going to the movies, working out and traveling. But most of all, she tries not to take herself too seriously.