Saving My Marriage

LEARNING TO TRULY LOVE AND OVERCOMING STRONGHOLDS | By Raeleine Nabors

In the summer of 2015, I signed up excitedly for LoveWorks, Weyman and Susan Howard’s ministry. I heard how amazing it was, and I thought I needed this to get me out of my comfort zone and motivate me to jump into situations to love others who I feel don’t always deserve it (Luke 6:32-36). Now, how does that saying go, “Be careful what you wish for …”? Well, God knew that in order for me to learn how to truly LOVE someone, it would take LoveWorks to prepare me and would take real life scenarios to express it.

During my LoveWorks sessions, I had some spiritual gut-checks. For example, the idea of doing good deeds out of obligation instead of being motivated by love is really not benefitting me nor the other person. I also learned that strongholds in our lives come in all sorts of forms–perfectionism being one of mine. Also, when our expectations don’t align with God’s expectations, then we can certainly start developing poor attitudes. On the flip side, LoveWorks also emphasized that Jesus Christ does not condemn us, but He covers us with His patient love.

While I was participating in LoveWorks, I discovered ugly sin in my marriage. It was a sin that had resurfaced, one that almost led us into divorce in the early years of our marriage. You see, unless you battle sin head-on, it will transform into a stronghold and eventually envelope the spirit. Without going into full details about the strongholds that were now weapons of mass destruction in my marriage and our lives, let’s just say, I was deeply shocked, hurt and disappointed in my husband’s decisions and behavior. Now I will confess, I didn’t realize that my own decisions and behaviors contributed to my husband’s sin.

I had noticed since my husband’s sister passed away in 2014 that he started to change. While grieving the loss of his sister, he also had to deal with other losses in his life, such as career fluctuations. He is not the type to share his deepest thoughts and emotions, and I’m not the most encouraging person in helping others deal with their feelings. I had hoped that he would eventually get over this dark period of grief and loss and return to his “normal” self. So, ultimately both of our strongholds left my husband feeling unloved and misunderstood by a wife who was just too busy focusing her time and attention on her job and on other people because I was unable to deal immediately with my husband’s negative behavior. Our expectations of each other were missing the mark, and without the desire to communicate to each other, it was only a matter of time until sin and strongholds from our past would impact us again.

Therefore, God revealed all the sin in us and showed us that we need HIS LOVE [1 Corinthians 13] in order to kill the guardians of the flesh, such as envy, arrogance, selfishness, anger, rude behaviors and keeping records of wrongs. I honestly didn’t want to activate God’s LOVE anymore. I wanted to run away from the pain and hurt. I wanted out of my marriage. I prayed and requested God to release me from the bond. However, I already knew what God’s response to me would be; I mean, I was in the middle of a LoveWorks class and learning all about bearing each other’s sins and all burdens with LOVE. I knew God would tell me it was the perfect time and opportunity to apply all his truth, kindness and mercy on my husband. And yes, it would also mean that I would become insecure and doubtful and feel crazy in the process of forgiving him, while allowing God to continue to heal both our broken hearts and to mend our relationship. Yet, I wouldn’t be alone in the process. The Holy Spirit gave me the right words to say at the right time, and after many months of continued disappointment and lies, the Holy Spirit finally gave me the courage to speak the truth, not out of my own anger and accusations, but out of the Word of God. That struck my husband like lightening–to realize that he could not change on his own accord, but that he could only truly change by surrendering to God. This revelation led to confession, repentance and a husband that I finally saw as being sincere in all his efforts to step up and be the husband that I needed and wanted him to be. Finally, by the end of 2015, and for the first time in our marriage, we started praying together and reading books together (such as The Five Love Languages and Victory over Darkness), and he even attended the last session of LoveWorks with me. We were communicating often, and when doubts or troubled thoughts infiltrated our minds, we would address them quickly so that we wouldn’t fall into Satan’s strategy of division again. We both needed Jesus to set us free from guilt and sin in our marriage, to allow his Spirit to transform how we view and treat each other, to encourage each other and to start with loving each other the way God loves us. Our broken marriage was now on the right path and we sprouted feelings for each other that we had not had for a long time. We were so grateful that God didn’t allow us to become another divorce statistic. I love the ending of 1 Corinthians 13 that so beautifully states, “So these three things continue forever: faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these is LOVE.”

Put HIS principles and HIS LOVE into action because LOVE NEVER FAILS!


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Raeleine Nabors is originally from Honolulu, Hawaii. She has been married for 26 years to her husband, Gilbert. They have one daughter (Alisha) and one grandson (Tyrion). Raeleine loves animals, hiking, finding new food places and traveling. She started attending The Father’s House approximately one and a half years ago. She resides in Oceanside with her husband, their dog Vince, and two cats, Skittles and Chanel.

My Messy Life

PURPOSE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN PERFECTION | By Jamie Humphrey

It’s 11:00 on Wednesday morning. I just received a text from one of the editors of the Daughters Blog. She said the rough copy of the blog entry I’m supposed to write is due today. I haven’t even started writing the article. Oh fantastic. It’s supposed to be about “My Messy Life.” How convenient. I could do a weekly series on this topic and never run out of material. My mess is the most consistent thing in my life.

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I’m sitting in my car outside my children’s school. They like when I join them for chapel on Wednesdays. There’s a 30-minute break between chapel and my volunteer time in my son’s kindergarten class that I do each Wednesday. I’m in my car realizing I have no clue what I’m going to write for the blog. I look to my right and this is what I see: pic-2

I give you my WORD I did not touch a thing. I just snapped a picture with my phone. This is my passenger seat. This is how I go through my life. Messy.

I recently read an article titled, “Messy Minds: Inside the Psychology of Clutter” by Anne Wynter. Melissa Gratias, Productivity Psychologist and Owner of MBG Organizing Solutions explains, “People think perfectionists don’t have clutter, but usually the opposite is true.”

The reason? Perfectionists tend to acquire extra items in an effort to remain prepared and they often have greater difficulty purging their belongings. “If they can’t do it absolutely perfectly, they might fail to start or fail to finish,” said Gratias.

This is me. All the time. I’m trying to overcome being a perfectionist. I love a clean and tidy car and home. I have two extremes: perfectly clean or perfectly messy. I would love to find a more balanced approach to life. Balance is always the challenge for me.

pic-4Maybe I should tell the teacher that I can’t make it in today to volunteer. Then I could clean out my car, get some laundry done and finish packing up the Christmas decorations that are in the garage just sitting next to my plastic bins. That seems like the right thing to do. I need to make time for myself and for the tidiness of my life. I’ll feel better if everything is where it’s supposed to be. But the days of kindergarten for my son are so fleeting. Before I know it, the year will be done and Justice will move on to 1st grade.

No. I want to use the opportunity to be in the kindergarten class. I made a commitment to volunteer for center times and I want to keep my word. I accept my mess. I don’t like it but it’s okay. Here I go. I’m excited to be with the little people. What an honor.

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Update: I volunteered in the kindergarten class and I am glad I did. Then I looked in the mirror … my roots. I haven’t had my hair done in over three months. My roots are so grown out it almost looks ombre. More mess. Well. Until next time …

 

 


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Jamie Humphrey aka “Messy Bessy” is a recovering perfectionist that is learning to let go of the temporary. Purpose is more important than perfection. And messes are temporary. *Repeat 10 Times*

Why Did I Jump?

On January 1, 2017 I jumped, but WHY? – By TRACY DAUGHERTY

It is very interesting listening to reactions after announcing to friends and family that you plan on jumping out of an airplane. I know from personal experience. Input, interest and concern came out of the woodworks when I told them I would be skydiving for the new year. People appeared not to be passive about the topic, however very passionate. A variety of comments ensued, such as, “I have always wanted to do that, maybe I will someday,” and “Are you nuts? Why in the world would you fall from a plane?!”

I also heard, “You know, I heard a news report, read on the Internet or watched on YouTube…” then the horrifying story began. There were also the more rational groups of people who advised me by saying, “Okay, here is what you need to know, when you jump, arch your back, drop your chin, throw your feet back, shut your mouth and plug your nose.” Tips and tools for the novice jumper came in intervals. I loved every minute of it — learning a lot about people and even more about myself. Feel free to keep the pointers coming. One thing is for sure: I enjoy them far more than I ever imagined I would.

To answer everyone’s questions as to why I jumped:

1. I wanted to. For years, I have thought about it, read about it and talked about it. It was finally time to put those thoughts into actions. I dream about flying at least once a week. For anyone who knows me well, you know that I truly do believe I will fly in heaven. Many people have no interest or even a thought about it, but for as long as I remember I have had no question that it will happen. I will FLY in heaven.

A few years ago I read and was inspired by the words of young teenage poet, Erin Hanson:

There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask, “What if I fall?”
Oh, but my darling,
What if you fly?

What if?
Therefore, I determined that this year I would start getting some early practice for heaven. This jump, this year…LET’S FLY! I flew because I wanted to. Joie de vivre — Joy of Life!

2. 2016 was challenging. I am one of those people who value and welcome prophetic pictures. Memorials help bring meaning and insight to seasons and life experiences — they help me process. I still remember hiking in the Genesee Valley in the fall of 2015 with my husband. We were both strongly impressed by the Holy Spirit and what was revealed to us. 2016 would be a year of pruning, change and much transition. At the time I had no idea how deep those cuts would go, nor how much stronger I would be after they healed.

Between the college gradation of our daughter, a marriage, a high school graduation, many deaths of dearly loved church and family members, sending beloved staff members off to assignments with new destinies to fulfill, finding and purchasing our first owned church building and the growing pains that come with, unfamiliar twists and turns, nips and tucks from people, aches and pains and even some disappointments to boot, it was a year of lessons learned.

All this said, walking in the midst of a dimly lit path feels disillusioning at best sometimes. In spite of all this, I knew this was the time to jump. It was time to fly, see higher, get a clearer vision and remember what the Bible says: “Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.” – Colossians 2:1-4. January 1, 2017 prophetically marks the day and is a memorial reminding for me of the position I am invited to. A position where He is in control and has a clear view to navigating my tomorrows with precision and expertise.

3. Keep it Spicy. Pastor Honey and I have been together 27 years, married and in ministry for 25. This means we have been on many dates, adventures and joint ventures. It takes effort to maintain the balance between mystery and fun. This year we needed this date. Just the two of us. As we are transitioning and kids are growing and we are more aware of this tribe ending the way it began – just the two of us.

At first I was reluctant to ask him to join me, knowing how he feels about heights. Knowing I have dragged him on other thrilling adventures (hiking, zip lining, ropes courses etc.), however, gave me faith. To my delight and surprise, he said yes! Everything about the day was spectacular. There was so much suspense and unknown between driving, training, taking off in the janky little plane, and strapping to our tandem trainer we barely new and now know very well – (hello Felipe from Brazil!).

As we waited, strapped up, wind blowing, door open to jump, we said our last “I love you” and then there we went… He jumped!

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Best date EVER.

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To close, I want to leave you with a short exhortation for the new year! I am certain that many of you do not share the same passion about skydiving, however my encouragement is this:

  • Joie de vivre – Don’t forget the joys of life — what you love and what you dream. Do something because you want to; it produces wonder. In the grind of life, we forget what we want to do or what we love. This year, do at least one thing that brings joy, makes you feel alive and even feels wasteful and extravagant. It revives the heart.
  • Don’t get stuck in the long middle. Remind yourself through scripture where God wants your head and heart. You have a daily invitation found in Colossians 2:1-4.
  • Keep it spicy – keep dating your spouse, your friends and yourself. Mystery is important to life — don’t lose it. Take a risk. Surprise your loved one, a friend or yourself.

I love you, my sister friends and fellow daughters of the most high God. This year, live like royalty. We have so much to look forward to, and if anyone wants to jump with me I might just take you up on it. I LOVED IT. I AM GONNA FLY IN HEAVEN.

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Let’s Fly,
Pastor Tracy


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

View More: http://photos.pass.us/daughertyfamily
Native to Southern California, Pastor Tracy Daugherty heard the Lord call her to full-time ministry at age 15. She and her husband, Pastor Dan Daugherty, met in 1991 and have partnered in ministry for over 25 years. Together, they have pastored in Olympia, Washington and Fairfield, California. They now shepherd The Father’s House Church which they planted in 2003 in San Marcos, California. Their family includes their daughter Drew and husband Ryan, their son Dawson and their son Hudson.

 

Human Trafficking Awareness Month

PRACTICAL EXAMPLES FOR THOSE INTERESTED IN BECOMING MORE AWARE ABOUT THE GLOBAL ISSUE OF HUMAN TRAFFICKING –By Roxanne Hicks


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Did you know that January is Human Trafficking awareness month? At the start of this new year, what can we do to bring awareness, help and funds to the global issue of human trafficking? The first thing you can do is become informed. Whether your ministry interests are right here in San Diego or outside of our borders, there are many things you can do to help bring awareness and funds to the millions of children, women and men who are being enslaved today.

Become informed regarding the many things you can do to help bring awareness and funds to the millions of children, women and men who are being enslaved today.

Locally:

img_7488-1On January 14th, starting at 1 p.m. in Balboa Park, you can take part in the Junior League of San Diego’s fourth annual Human Trafficking Rally.The Rally will take place near 6th and Laurel in Balboa Park.The focus will be on human trafficking on a local level; specifically, the rally will highlight how we can see the signs of those currently held captive.

Featured speakers who are at the forefront of sex trafficking prevention will provide various perspectives on human trafficking awareness and prevention.

Overall, the purpose of the event is to march, listen and learn together to raise awareness about human trafficking in the San Diego region, as well as to empower community members with information on how to “know the kigns” for both sex and labor trafficking.

Directly after this event, Point Loma Nazarene University will hold a Prayer Vigil at 3 p.m. for those who are victims in our city.img_7481-1

For more information, please see the links below:

http://www.abolishhumantrafficking.com/event/junior-league-of-san-diego-human-trafficking-awareness-rally/

http://www.abolishhumantrafficking.com/event/churches-against-trafficking-prayer-vigil-3/

Internationally:

Visit www.thefreedomchallenge.com to see if there is a mission trip you would like to go on where you can help make a difference in the lives of children and women around the world who are victims or survivors of human trafficking.

The Father’s House is hosting two Freedom Challenge Trips this year to Moldova. Think about joining one of these trips so that you can understand firsthand what women and children go through outside of our borders.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Roxanne Hicks is a stay-at-home mom who is passionate about healthy living. She has been happily married to her husband Brian for 21 years and together they have three daughters. After years of raising a daughter with type-1 diabetes and helping extended family members battle cancer and weight issues, Roxanne decided to go back to school to learn more about how food plays a role in our overall health and well-being. She graduated from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition in 2013 with a certificate in health coaching. Roxanne then went on to complete the plant-based nutrition certificate program through Cornell University’s Center for Nutrition Studies. Roxanne loves to teach and help people look at food from a different perspective and to “see food as a way to heal and care for the amazing body God has given each of us.”

Most Intriguing Woman of the Year: Mar Tobiason

Okay, we’re calling it—Mar Tobiason is the most intriguing woman from The Father’s House. AS TOLD TO BETHANY MAVIS


15268020_10154015521205496_2957937735118083652_nWhat does it mean to be an intriguing woman? We believe it means to not only arouse our curiosity and pique our interest, but to also be an inspiration for other women to live life well. (Look for this annual profile on the Daughters Blog.)

For our first-ever “most intriguing woman” award, the editors have named Mar Tobiason, thanks to her lifelong pursuit of adventure. (In fact, when she was asked for the interview, she was in downtown San Diego holding a balloon in a parade!) Originally hailing from the state of Washington, Mar has been married for 41.5 years to Sid. They have three kids and seven grandchildren. She has completed two Freedom Challenge climbs with women from TFH and will be on the Moldova team this summer, helping raise money to save trafficked and vulnerable young women. Read on to learn a little more about this compelling woman, in her own words.

How long have you lived in North County, and how did you end up at The Father’s House?

Our middle daughter moved to San Diego and our oldest daughter moved to Maui. Then our middle daughter joined our oldest daughter in Maui. They lived there a couple of years, then both moved to San Diego. Our son later moved here too. They all married and started families here. We bought a condo downtown and visited once a month for five years. Almost six years ago, we started looking for a house when Sid’s work offered to pay for a move down to the San Diego office. I saw the house near Lake Hodges for sale on the Internet, so we looked at it, fell in love with it and made an offer. It happened to be owned by Stacy and Tommy Brown. After we purchased it, we asked what church they attended and they invited us to The Father’s House. We attended and stayed. This was a God thing for sure.

How did you meet your husband, Sid, and what do you love most about your love?

Sid and I met in Japan. We both grew up and lived in Washington state just 20 miles from each other. We both took Red Cross swim lessons locally at Silver Lake, we both held summer jobs picking strawberries at the same farms, we both went to the same skate rink and the same YMCA; however, it took us being exchange students some 5,000 miles from home to actually meet. We attended the same high school, Yamate Gakuin, in Japan for a year along with other exchange students from around the world. Three years after we returned, during our college years, we married.

mar-pic-2We helped each other through college, through the struggles of looking for the first “real” job, raising kids and building our home. Through it all—the ups and the downs—God has been our rock. We have always said that we could make it through anything as long as we have God as No. 1 and each other. Whether we live in a restaurant basement or a big house, live on boxed mac and cheese or steak—we have done it all. If we had not experienced the hard times, we wouldn’t appreciate life as much and we wouldn’t have the foundation of strength and trust in our relationship. I have to mention that we laugh an awful lot too. We are thankful.

Tell us about your kids.

We have three amazing children. Our daughters are Tasha, a labor and delivery nurse at Scripps La Jolla, and a wife and mom of two; and Tarah, who works with her husband flipping houses and running a VRBO, a wife and mom of two. Our son Selig, a 3-D digital artist who worked for Lucasfilm and currently works at Sony Digital, is a husband and a dad of three. They all live in the San Diego area.

We hear you’re a big traveler—how do you think you’ve passed down your love of travel?

We have seven grandchildren! We love it! Our oldest grandchild, Emi, turned 10 last summer. We decided years ago that we wanted to take each grandchild on a trip, one at a time. Ten is a good age and we let them decide where they want to go. We didn’t put any parameters on it, not thinking it totally through. Apparently, kids these days think bigger than we realize! Emi chose Paris! We had an amazing time with her. We even got her ears pierced in France. She is a great little traveler. Two weeks went by so quickly and we created a bond with special memories that we all will cherish forever. The next trip will be with our grandson in 2018.

As you and Sid are both skilled builders, what’s your favorite thing that you’ve built?

Sid and I make a good team. One thing we have fun with is building things. We started with our first project—a roll-top desk in a college class. Since then we’ve built furniture, cabinets, grandfather clocks and houses. We sold most of our [carpentry] equipment when we moved, but someday would like to have the time to do some more.

What work have you done with the Red Cross? How did you get involved originally and what world disaster relief efforts have you been a part of?

I taught at a Montessori school for six years before homeschooling our three children. I’ve worked various jobs—worked for a veterinarian and an insurance company, taught First Aid and CPR, sold disaster products, taught quilting and fabric dying. My longtime “job” would be volunteering for the Red Cross. I have volunteered for more than 23 years and I have had various positions—often three, four or more at the same time. A few jobs I enjoyed with the Red Cross were speaking about disaster preparedness to groups and companies, being on the board and becoming chairman of the board for a few years and sharing what the Red Cross does and how we all can help in times of disasters. But the most rewarding is being deployed to a disaster. I have responded to local and national disasters—floods, landslides, wildfires, home or apartment fires, hurricanes, tornadoes, etc.

The days are long and you never know what you’re in for, but it’s rewarding. I have slept on cots, on floors, in army barracks (they had to roll the tanks out to have room for the cots), schools, community centers and hotels. I have been without power, Wi-Fi and cell services, using only satellite phones to full hook-ups. Each deployment is an adventure but the focus is on those who desperately need our help. More often than not, they have lost everything they own—sometimes family members or pets. My primary job as public affairs is to work with media, making sure information is getting out correctly and to get stories of those affected out to the public so donors can see who they help and why. I am pre-deployed in case of hurricanes or events where there is a warning. Red Cross has a team of nearly 90 trained national advance team members that are first boots on the ground. We are required to be able to get to an airport within five hours of a call and work five days to three weeks at a time. My bags and supplies are always somewhat packed. I am so blessed to be able to help others in this way. It’s hard work—both physically and mentally exhausting—but I have loved it. That’s why the decision to retire was so difficult. But I am officially retired in 2017. God has given me strength and courage to do this and I continually called on Him to be with me, help me hold it together and be strong in front of media as I told the stories of the victims. I told the story of a family who barely survived a tornado in Moore, Oklahoma. I also told the story of how a retired pastor (83 years old), his grandson and their dog clung to a tree all night long after the house was swept away during Hurricane Katrina. When daylight came, the tree they were in was the only one left! I told the story of a father who tied a rope around a mattress and tied his children to it when flood waters rose higher than their house—it floated and all survived. Hugging and encouraging these brave and fragile souls, saying silent prayers for them and sometimes praying with them when they allowed, blessed the socks off me and made me feel I was the one being helped.

As an outdoor woman, what has been your favorite hike/climb?

My hardest climb was summiting Mount Rainier. It was the only technical climb I’ve done—so far. Our team was roped up and we wore crampons on our mountain boots and helmets for rock and ice fall. We also used ice axes. It was exciting but scary. The crazy thing is you can’t unrope! If you have to go to the bathroom you ask the guys to please turn their backs. I’m a private person when it comes to that but the guys were very decent. Another highlight in hiking was the trip we took to Kilimanjaro. It was great. Our daughter and her husband joined Sid and me, along with some of our friends. It was a tough five days up and two days down but it was amazing! 

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What encouragement do you have for other women?

God has created each of us in a unique way. We can’t be afraid to step out in what He has for us. It might be just doing normal everyday stuff that He can use us in. Maybe you aren’t supposed to be preaching on the street corner or be a Billy Graham, but maybe you are. Maybe God just wants you available to whatever and whenever He calls. My life is ordinary but I can hike and raise funds to help others. My life is ordinary but I can talk and share stories and volunteer. Maybe your neighbor needs a little help pulling in the trashcans or a friend would like to chat over coffee. These are ordinary things that God can use. I can’t imagine my life if I hadn’t stepped out years ago to sign up for an exchange program to some scary foreign land or if I had been so stubborn in what I wanted that I wouldn’t move. To have freedom in Christ is to be open to listen and do what He asks. He loves us and wants the best for us. Just live life.

On behalf of the Daughters of TFH, thank you, Mar, for living an abundant life and using your creative service for the life of the world. Fellow women, we encourage you to introduce yourself to this intriguing TFH Daughter.