Identity in Christ. This is an area I fought and struggled with when Joe and I first started attending The Father’s House in January 2004. I was far too concerned with what others thought of me and felt that I needed to look and do everything perfectly to have value. Learning the lesson that my value lies simply in being a daughter of the King was something that I grew to feel confident in, and because I had struggled so greatly, it’s an area I’ve devoted a good amount of time in prayer for my own daughters.
I thought this was a battle that I had fully conquered (with God’s beautiful and loving help, of course), until I became pregnant with my 5th daughter. I am usually sick in my pregnancies until around 16 weeks, so when it hadn’t worn off by week 20 I started initially to feel just kinda bummed. Then around week 24 I was suddenly hit with depression. I prayed and asked some people to be praying for me. Then our precious Lord so sweetly helped me to realize the source of my depression. In one word it was worthlessness.
You see, I take great delight in serving my family and taking care of them. I also love to help others through bringing gifts and meals, and here I was, pretty much full time sick in bed for six months. I hadn’t been able to do the things that I so greatly enjoy doing, so I was not only mourning that but also realizing that I had an unhealthy worth attached to it. There is nothing like being sick in bed for months to really check the source of your worth if you enjoy taking care of others as I do.
In my private crying out to the Lord and through some texting with a close friend, I was able to see this precious lesson the Lord was teaching me through this time. I am a daughter of the most high King and even if I was to never again be able to serve my family or anyone else in this life, my value is just the same. It cannot be earned or even maintained. It simply is because that is how my precious God made it to be.
My friend encouraged me to soak up this forced time of rest and let my children learn to serve me and our family the way that I had always done. This was a huge turning point for me. Being able to lie still without guilt is huge! I mean, there is always a to-do list that’s miles long that I can never seem to accomplish, and now I am lucky if I cross one thing off my list in a day. Lying in bed directing traffic may sound wonderful to some, but it was misery for me. I’m learning to embrace it, though. I see the value in my children learning to work hard around the house and grow in compassion for me and for each other. I cannot tell you how precious it is when I receive texts from my teenager asking if I’m doing ok, or when any of them willingly doing more than their fair share to help around the house. Even my 2-year-old notices when I’m especially sick and lays her sweet little hands on me and prays.
Believe me, it isn’t always this picture perfect, but I can look at all God has been accomplishing through this time (not to mention growing a sweet little baby girl) and feel content. I trust my God so completely. He has proven himself trustworthy time and time again. No trial ever has been or ever will be wasted.
So may I encourage you, if you’re feeling down on yourself in a certain area, cry out to God about it. Get prayer from a trusted friend and/or elder at church. All He wants is to bring you into more freedom so you can fully feel and express His love to this dying world. I pray right now, sweet sister who is reading this, that God, the greatest gentleman ever, would so sweetly show you an area where you might have undue attached worth. I pray that he would bring healing to any hurt you have in that area, and that you would trust it to Him. Amen. You are beautiful and oh so loved, precious daughter of the King! I pray you know it deep within your heart and live each day confidently in that knowledge.
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